Contact

Pondering the nature of contact. Contact in the here and now. To hold my son once again. To hear his voice, see his face, smell his unique scent. These are some of the things I miss, and memories of him can not make up for this lack of contact. The type of contact that involved him being in my presence. I long for all the aspects of spending time with him. Nothing makes up for the hole that he left in my life. I can not ever stop being Scotty's Mommy, as that is who I became the day he came into my life, and that is who I remain. The connection we had was so powerful and amazing. To say I miss him just does not even begin to express it. My mind and my heart cry out for contact with him. The kind of contact we shared when he was here on this earth and I could see, hear, and touch him. The longing continues.

When he called me "Mommy" back in the day, it was music to my ears...but, when he called himself "A Mommy's boy" at 21, well, that made my heart sing.

Every mommy thinks the world of her own child (or, at least the decent ones do) and I have been no different in that department, except it seems to me that sometimes there is an extremely deep connection between the two. In our case it was a bond that made us seem to know what the other was thinking, even before it was ever said. We really "got" each other. We had an understanding of what made each other happy or sad, as though we could tap into what really made each of us tick.

He would often want to have Bible studies with me late into the night, while the rest of the world was fast asleep, we were pouring over the Scripture with great delight. His ability to absorb the rich beauty of God's Word always amazed me. His insights into the value and meaning of passage after passage would often take my breath away. So powerful was his impact on my heart towards God, that at times it felt as though I would burst with joy!

To turn the same pages of his Bible now, without him here to light up the room with his smile and excitement upon gleaning truth after truth from its verses, is to experience a unique kind of pain, like none I've ever felt before. A hurt that comes from knowing that I cannot hear his discourse on these matters, and yet my heart so longs to know his thoughts once again.

It is not as though I don't know that there is coming a time when we will be in Eternity Forever together, learning God's Truth right from God Himself. It is just that it is not today...and today is all I know of.

Missing him so much.

I WILL ALWAYS BE: SCOTTY'S MOMMY

...Death could not take away who I am...I will always be: Scotty's Mommy.

It feels so wrong that he should have gone before me.

My love for him will be the "fuel" that drives my passion to share what he was all about...

His words: "All the glory goes to God, it's all about Jesus!"

...I WILL ALWAYS BE: SCOTTY'S MOMMY